I love how you send me nude pics of girls you're fucking and name them by which city they're in instead of their name. "This is Nashville, this is Tupelo, this is Jackson..."
I'm at the store buying plan b and vodka
the cocktail of hope
you were asking all the dicks on chatroulette if they had daddy issues
dude she was so drunk she thought Jim Joyce made the right call
Taking shots out of pine wood derby trophiesssssss. best idea ever.
You can come over, sure. But I'll be watching college hockey during the blow job.
I woke up with a fake mustache stuck to my chest and I can't even hold down water.
Is singing the Indiana Jones theme while I put on the condom off limits?
I'm not the one who can lose their erection, so it's fair game
I'm really glad that we can be casual hook up buddies. This is a true friendship. Now, please convince your roommate to do the same. Thanks.
I have a theory that years from now they will be with women who despise me because of what I trained their husbands to like.
then she lifted her dress, tweaked her own nipples, and then ordered another round for everyone. this place is wild at 9pm.
I'm good. We walked you back to my apartment and you demanded to eat the sandwich I made for him
You now have the mental image of me flying off into the sunset with no pants
I don't think you should say "suck my dick" and then proclaim to be a messiah, of any sort.
I hate him but I love him for what he does which is me
Randomize
