Police were just in my backyard to recover a loaded .38. What the fuck?????
okay I'm thinking he doens't have a facebook...I'm on page 28 of Hunters
ok you need to stop NOW
He like poked it twice with the tip of his tongue then left it alone. I'm sad.
his penis was the training wheels of my sex life
I think he just gave me the 'I used to fuck your sister' discount
I know. My only sports are biking to buy drugs and running from the police.
The last time I saw you, you were rolling around on the ground at the bar.....
.....well it was bound to be an interesting night since I was chasing my pulls with pulls....
Turns out lunch break sex with someone you cant stand being around for any amount of time just makes you wish you had gone to get tacos like you originally planed.
The security deposit's gone, let's trash this motherfucker
I swear if you get so drunk that I have to sing Bohemian Rhapsody to you again to get you to come out of the bathroom I'm leaving you at the bar this time.
Pandora was on point with the sex music tonight
On a scale of 1-10, how inappropriate is it to sneak into someone's box of sex toys and put googly eyes on their vibrator?
Wtf. So apparently this 5 star establishment doesn't allow strip putt putt in the parking lot. We all just got kicked out of our rooms.
I just got through airport security with 5 grams of weed in my back pocket. Either I deserve a metal or the government is slacking
Yea.. And you'll love me a whole lot more when I start letting my vagina make all the decisions..
Randomize
