He's marrying her, which means that she is his most important person in the world, so you gotta deal with it...okay?
they need to just BURY HIM!
I'm gonna put my relationship status as "widowed" to see if it helps me get some poon.
she was giving me head and that cheryl crow 'youre favorite mistake' song came on. she looks up and all i could do was nod
ok, she started talking about how she swears her step dad killed her mom. starting to back out of this one
... I went down on him at the movies. I feel like Alanis Morisette.
If you bring chipotle to my house i'll let you eat your burrito out of my vagina
Did I actually say goodbye last night or did I just poison you with vodka and disappear?
There's gotta be a lawn gnome full ecstasy around here somewhere. And by golly I will find it
You'd think the dry cleaners next door would be less judgmental for as much business as my theme parties bring them.
I rang in the new year by giving a lap dance to a Lutheran minister in a roomful of people including his wife. Jesus would be proud.
You need to get laid. You spent last night stumbling through the club pulling couples apart and telling them to leave room for Jesus.
I told you you to bring something to share....you brought tequila and a condom
He says it takes a lot to subdue the urge to just bury his face in my vagina. Of course, I have absolutely no problem with this.
He said they were his favorite shoes.. So I threw one down the sewer. Now he'll keep searching the house for the other one. Sweet silent revenge.
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