My first STD was from a foam party
i could't wear that belt anymore, it was gonna make me keep shitting for the rest of the night
Just smoked a bowl with the exterminator. I think my day is more productive.
kinda considering buying a life alert for sophmore year
i almost burnt down an apartment complex. little busy, get back to you later
I passed out on the floor of a truck stop. Drinking binge 2011 is now over.
Did i actually sleep there? Or did i just get sand everywhere?
We would have taken you home with us, but you were outside the bar measuring a randoms stream of piss by walking along side it... you said you were only at 32 feet and it still had a couple of grooves to hit.
his name is devion and he has a voice like velvet and handcuffs
I like how I get messages from eharmony at the same time I'm looking for a new vibrator. It's like the powers that be are just trying to make my life ironic.
He came over and watched the USA game with me, fucked me so good my toe cramped, then made my bed this morning before he left. Thank God for Army rangers
Yeah I mean subtle isn't how I'd describe your flirtation strategy last night
Just bought a dildo. Happy first time single in four years Valentine's Day to me
I swear to god if you keep eating my cats food drunk I am going to kick you out of our apartment.
The doctor basically called me a dirty dick.
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