when you close your eyes do you see, that mystical creature will be me.
who is this?
I can mark tailgating, going to the game and getting road head off my to do list today
i had a dream last night that my liver tore its self out of my body and ran away.
eye of the tiger was playing while i pooped... it totally helped.
should we take a power nap before our cocaine gets here?
Just had to explain to a senior manager why I had duct tape residue on my wrist and hand. This weekend was a success.
Reason #1 for no sex outdoors: Mosquito bites. Awkward, awkward mosquito bites.
I'm currently blowing up the downstairs bathroom at work. I wish I could foursquare this.
She woke up with blood running down her face and asked the EMS guy where the keg was
My phone really needs to stop auto correcting "library" to "ovary".
i went to the 24h massage place last night and brought down the price for a hand job from $50 to $12.75 and half the big mac left in my bag.
It makes no sense at first, you go with it, it's fun and entertaining and then a disaster
Let's have sex in an apple orchard
Dude for real though, we gotta stop getting hammered and kissing gay guys.
It's the first weekend of the school year and I'm already selling stuff for booze. Need a microwave?
Randomize
