You were right. It hurts to walk today.
All the walks of shame were condensed into the hour before parents started showing up. Move out day is so bittersweet
His foreplay reminded me too much of breastfeeding.
My family just legit passed around a fifth of Maker's Mark. Also, this is sort of a Thanksgiving tradition. Also, Maker's Mark is really good.
I come back into the room and you're grinding with the person in the mascot suit.
Just called the bar: "hi this is the girl who you kicked out for excessive bleeding, do you happen to have my coat?"
I just had someone I don't even know on Facebook message me saying it seems like I drink too much and should slow down.
Haha jealous. If I could remember my dreams I'm pretty sure they would constantly be about being drunk in foreign countries
Omg one of the midgets from last night just added me to Facebook.
Id prob hit it, but i instagram edited her picture to make her look better. Ha. She should fuck me just for that.
I say I'm working from home on conference call days, but really I just mute the phone, put that shit on speaker so I can hear what's going on, and let Marcus fuck my brains out.
It's not as funny as it sounds. I shit myself at the company Christmas party.
She puked off the side of the cruise ship onto a newlyweds balcony table and they watched it all happen then they made her clean it up
If you had asked me 10 years ago where I thought I'd be right now at 26 years old, I can bet you one million dollars that "tweezing out my nose hairs before I go in to get laser hair removal on my upper lip" would NOT have been the answer
as a lesbian i'd like to thank joe biden and also america for giving us this absolute MILF for a VP
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