I hate you but I'm not in hate with you
you were having sex in the bathroom so i pee'd in your bong water...
That was the first time I have seen a confused expression with a dick in the mouth
Im going..... Drinking all day and hand jobs from 18yr old emo rich girls that are just trying to get back at mom and dad for being to protective...SOLD
I convinced every single one of my cousins to bring me a glass of wine. I was the alcoholic queen and they were my subjects.
Why am I wearing a dog collar
Only way we could keep you from running in to traffic.
You can't be friends with my side piece. Conflict of interest.
Don't laugh, but I might need some advice on how to ride a crooked dick.
I really thought I'd be the only alcoholic drinking alone in my car at noon in the Lowe's parking lot. Passed out dude in the car next to me begs to differ.
he just used a semicolon in the middle of a sext
As I took my shirt off he commented on how great my boobs where. I responded with "thanks, I grew them myself"
My one night stand asked me out to dinner. When he came to pick me up I got in the back seat. I thought he sent an uber. Awkward.
She's walking down the sidewalk with a notebook, a pencil, and a box of cheez its while yelling profanities at small animals.... I'm going 2 ask her where she was before this.
woke up on my floor using my jeans i wore out as a pillow
haha i wouldn't expect any less of you
Have you ever been anal in a bush on the Vegas strip drunk?
Randomize
