im typing and i feel like my hands are on backwards.
Stop texting me, I'm right here.
Apparently I masturbate in my sleep now.
Just set a new record on Need For Speed at the arcade. Had to enter Tiger Woods as the name.
theres 5 guys on the side of the road with beads and their shirts off screaming at cars already.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I sat in the bathroom on the counter and gave out advice to all the random people that walked in
I'm going to get pregnant and die... Mean Girls warned me about this but I didn't listen
be proud. or at least amused. an 18 yr old and a 25 yr old at least makes my average hookup age this week the same as my age.
Don't patronize me, I thought of that on peyote, so it was basically like a message from God.
I mean.. listen to "Put It In My Mouth" and you'll get the gist of my voicemail for you.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I want a bottle of whiskey to be dropped at my doorstep like a stork drops babies when they are delivered to their parents.
God what have you done to be that much in need of alcohol.
Me WANTS my preciousssssssssss
he said didn't have much sexual experience and then proceeded to tell me he is going to make me cum harder than my vibrator could
well, that escalated quicky
how do you always get into these "we banged the same dude now lets be friends" situations???
Clearly I'm trying to change the world one fuck at a time
you DO IT for the people
Yeah well I just had an orgasm on my bathroom floor so there's a first for everything I guess
as a self proclaimed hoe im ok with a lotta things but that is not fucking one of them
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