i love that he's uncircumcised. it makes handjobs so much easier. it's the lazy susan of penises.
just wondering who decided to put a cup of throw up in my fridge
people who like being in relationships make me feel bad about myself.
you were leaning against the vending machine asking if there was a shower you could puke in.
The cop told me to answer for everyone if there was drinking involved and then i threw up in my Luigi's italian ice that i was eating with a pizza slicer
I just peed in a flower pot on the veranda while crying and holding a drink
Russian roulette. Between salvia and weed. You in?
FUCK YOU MAN
Im glad the only reason we got out of bed today was to get Halloween candy on sale.
I know it must have been a hard break up. Are you okay?
Oh yeah, I'm fine dude. My vaginas heart is broken though. I feel bad for her, you should give her a call sometime.
Is cat milk safe for human consumption?
It's just not St. Patrick's Day until someone pukes on your panties.
Yeah, so if you ever try to steal it, just know my tongue's been on it in several occasions. All over it.
At least get laid and waffle fries out of it you whipped basterd
Why is everyone giving me a hard time for drinking?!
Your in the library.
I apparently sent an offer letter to, and then subsequently onboarded, the wrong candidate. How's your Monday?
Randomize
