do you know why "how to shave your balls" is bookmarked on my computer?
Oh god. It's my first day here, I'm still drunk and somebody just drifted in a forklift. I'm going to die.
My vagina has become a graveyard for my brother's friendships...
Do you remember trying to eat gravel when we were walking back to the dorm?
it tasted disgusting. but i pretty much drank it in the name of science, and free alcohol
It's like being the dunk pilot of a plane full of pornstars and drunkenness.
casually drinking alone with your cats. do they like sparks?
I stole so many things from the ER last night.
My roomate asked me why she found condoms in the pringles container. I don't know what to tell her
I think she's perpetually drunk
It's all she knows
I took 36 pictures of my lava lamp. your weed wins.
Must say, as a couple, she and I are thrilled that our pretend lesbianism has paid off.
cops tried arresting me on the way to class this morning.. this is my life.
He took me home and by the time I woke up after catching up on sleep I realized I accidentally put on one of his fiances socks. whoops.
just woke up with nickles taped to my body. theres like a dollar worth.
Randomize
