Just took career test that listed librarian and bartender as top career choices. Fascinating.
i felt obligated to tell him happy birthday since we trashed his house and i fucked his friend in his basement
i can barely draw a stick figure let alone shave a heart into my pubes
Are you dead or are you taking another 13 hour nap? you need to let me know these things ahead of time so i dont worry.
theyll ask where you are and ill say on a date crying in a sombrero
like that time i did too much ghb at gay pride
Any idea who the guy in my bed tagged as rattlesnake dick might be?
Your lack of a response has proven you've clearly forgotten how crazy I am.
The only thing in that hotel room that we didn't fuck on was the roof
I knew I was rolling hard when I realized I had been rubbing the couch for an hour
What I love about college? The kid tripping balls has a kayak made readily available to him on any given Wednesday, Saturday, or Sunday.
I'm like a number 27.2 on a scale of 1-10 of how badly I want you right now.
Your lack of a response brings it down to a 25.4.
I got propositioned while wearing the bottom half of a horse costume. It's like god is apologizing to me in the strangest of ways.
It's nice out. . But after I almost put a bag of chips in the microwave to make nachos. ..I figured it best to not venture too far from the couch
He took a girl home at like eight, fucked her, kicked her out, came back to the bar, and repeated the process again at 10:30 and 2:30. THREE GIRLS IN ONE NIGHT. ALL PICKUPS. I HATE HIM.
Let's just say, I'm pretty sure you're banned from Skype.... like, forever.
Randomize
