as for my dating sex life, no more regret sticks. Only pride wands from now on.
you kept trying to convince me i had aids because my head hurt
so, my congressman just called me to say he has office hours this week if i'm still interested in talking to him. i pray to god this is not related to Friday.
I feel like I would bang a guy with a dick piercing just to say I have...like climbing a huge mountain or somethig
Well someone has to be the Christmas slut at the family dinner. I suppose it's my year to fill those shoes.
I have migrated to the couch. Minimal movement is still happening, but I should be mobile enough to go to the liquor store by eight.......so that good.
It was the best of bangs; it was the worst of bangs.
He bought me a burrito. I introduced him as "Horse-Dicked Jake" all night. My debt has been repaid.
What did he say?
NOTHING. GODDAMN HIM AND HIS MAGICAL PENIS!
How did you get him out of the shower last time?
Order Taco Bell and leave a trail of burritos leading to his bed.
Just because he told you it was safe doesn't mean you should have licked it.
Kyle passed out in the tub after breaking a glass and shouting, "WHAT ASSHOLE GAVE ME A GLASS?" His girlfriend gave it to him...
sarahs drunk and is drawing dinosaurs all over the apartment. should i stop her?
whats she drawing them with?
eyeliner
no that's ok
You can’t judge a dick by its balls.
I may have made out with your roommate and your cousin tonight. In my defense I thought both of them were your cousin.
Randomize
