Just FYI I rubbed poison oak on all your sheets and blankets so we all will know who you hooked up with (in about a day)
the thought of Anne Coulter teabagging Dick Cheney kills me everytime.
You Were screaming "Im trying to get it in" and "stop cock blocking" while i threw you in the car
You were fucking on a porch at a party, not much privacy should be expected
dude, apparently i tried to force feed my grandma bananas last night.
She suggested that I come visit her in Europe and hook up with the heteroflexible Korean who sits next to her in class. Polylove is the best love.
he peed on his own floor last night after we left the bar. pretty much sums up how i feel about the evening
It is way too early in the summer for me to be coming into work still drunk.
that's just what you get for learning massage techniques from gay porn
you know i have almost 1500 fb friends but not ONE drunk booty call?
Maybe is for pussies. We only say yes in this household
So you're on like a list there now..."Do not under any circumstances give this person a knife. Serve them in plastic cups ONLY"
Have you ever given your heart and soul to someone and they turn out to be nothing but a great fuck that makes a mean grilled cheese because same
I think I'm dead. Also I think I stole $20 from a stripper.
You did. Then gave it to me.
I wore my lizzie mcguire socks to the bar last night. Because that's how i get all the ladiez
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