haha it's okay then, bc he only killed a canadian, they're not real people
i just yelled "run, its godzirra!" to an asian kid who looked confused by the tornado alarm test
My roommate found me crawling down the hallway as she was on her way to her morning class. Its time for a new semester.
My mom just called and reminded me not to throw up in any cabs tonight. Happy St. Patty's Day.
i mean, i stole her boyfriend and beat her snake score on facebook within 48 hours. not her week.
I was rolling balls and tried to donate blood as an act of kindness to the sick person who would receive it
It's been a wonderful constant drunkeness. We played Marco polo with some random like 8 yr olds in the kiddie pool.
Someone else needs to become the bad example in our group
But you wear shame so well
Two questions. One. Where are you watching election results tomorrow? Two. Can we have Obama victory sex?
I might as well just sew it shut at this point.
What I'm doing now is like me taking a bagel, dropping it butter side down, leaving it for six years, picking it back up, and trying to fuck it
We both knew it was over when I took a u turn at her belly button.
I JUST WANT TO SIT IN MY UNDERWEAR AND WATCH THE BRAVES GAME AND NOT BE CONSTRAINED BY MY ED SHEERAN SHORTS
Is it uncouth to masturbate the night before a gyno appointment?
For the love of all that is holy just take the tranquilizers Erica
Randomize
