I think I just was a dick to Paul Rudd.
I had so many friends before that round of Never Have I Ever.
and before you know it i was laying next to him at 2 in the morning with penis and sadness on my breath.
those are such fre$h shoes
going to ignore the use of the word "fresh" in a sentence that isnt related to produce and/or other food stuffs and especially the part where you replaced an "s" with a dollar sign
he said I was the best sex he's ever had, handed me a burger king crown and told me to take my walk of shame with pride
I just recycled a years worth of liquor bottles. I can feel my alcoholic carbon footprint shrinking
Well the weddings in 4 days so I already got the eightball lined up and the wii fit all warmed up. Still wanna bet I wont lose 20 pounds by the wedding?
How would one go about tricking someone into chugging an entire bottle of tequila?
Listen. I don't care if its "nontoxic" im not putting it in my fucking vagina.
Dont make this weird.... I was wondering if I could paper mache a few of your dildos this weekend?
I'm sorry for gagging during our first time having sex
I was drunk
Please answer
trying to figure out why the only thing in our freezer is an expired loaf of bread, a white t shirt, and a receipt from taco bell for 37.50 from last Friday
Some guy just drank alcohol from me shoe..I think he's had enough..
I'm not trying to take your husband away from you, but can we have another 3way soon? I'm just desperate for good dick.
This morning we had sex while he was wearing a full length fur jacket and sunglasses... I wasn't even phased
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