Oh i forgot. I hit on a mentally challenged girl too.
If I had a penis I would totaly hang shit off it. Like stretched out peach rings and fruit rollups.
He won't talk to me. He'll only communicate using scissors
hearing that almost makes me feel good about peeing on the coffee table
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He just did a 33 second keg stand with a fractured leg, busted chin and chipped teeth from running into a parked car after winning a race.
My financial advisor filed my girlfriend's abortion under "investments" so my wife wouldn't find out
you want a dog just so you can strap a barrel of hot chocolate around its neck?
so my mom thinks I'm picking you up just to go buy you liquor before you go back to school tomorrow...
I'm ashamed that your mom thinks I haven't already taken care of that.
official rule: if your drunk, it doesn't count
then nothing in my life counts
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Getting day drunk before work is perfectly acceptable when its 99 cent margaritas.
I just watched this dude try to convince this girl to go home with him. She was like, That's cute, you're cute.and she just walked away. Man I'm so not drunk enough to be around this level of sad.
Then James put his arms through the window and grabbed him, like he was Robocop. A nerdy, portly Robocop.
Who is this?
I would give a kidney to fuck him and he knows it. That bastard.
I went from swearing off of sex to planning a threesome. It's been a rollercoaster of a day.
We kept having to tell you that you couldn't just sit wherever you wanted at Walmart. Sitting in the middle of the raw meat section was unacceptable and children were staring at you.
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