I always see him when I'm wearing my ripped pants. I think its because of the hole in the crotch. My vag sends out supersonic "I'm horny" waves to him. Otherwise the calls are muffled.
I am currently trying to use a tide to go pen to remove the jizz from my backseat, it's not working...
I will one day have loud vengeance sex as my revenge against you. Until then I'm just going to sit in the living room playing John Mayer while you're trying to do it.
Just chased ups truck with a half wiped ass for you. You're making dinner tonight
just got passed by a van of kids watching the little mermaid. debating speeding so i can watch
Didn't u have court just yesterday for ur driving?
IT'S THE LITTLE MERMAID! totally worth another year of probation
She said, "I don't really go out much, but my husband recently cheated on me" and I don't remember anything after that.
He rubs his penis on back when he think I'm sleeping
Dude found out there's an open bar at the celebration of life thing for my grandma which is at noon. Now I know why I can drink so much
My ex was there, the 2 girls I'm seeing showed up and I had a pocket full of VIP passes 2 the strip club. Had all the makings of an epic night but I fell asleep at the bar.
my mom was by far the drunkest one there. best impromptu wednesday afternoon party ever
I just had the worst experience of my life, my grandma found my condoms.
I hope you get stoned and think that you're a seal in shark infested waters
I tried to order dominos and couldn't but I accidentally placed an order for this morning. I knew I did it last night and was gonna call and cancel this morning but honestly it's coming in 30 minutes and I need it
Rarely does a man I fucked with upgrade from me
If it makes you feel any better, I can't find the goldfish I dropped like five minutes ago.
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