You picked the wrong day to call in sick. She's wearing the librarian glasses today.
Dudes got a Polo tattoo. I don't care if he has a yacht I can't handle that level of gay.
You know you had a bad blackout when you forget you held the stanley cup.
I can hear the condescending tone from the atm when it asks if $3 is all I would like to deposit
Going home with an argentinian named sulvio. Ill let you know how it goes.
Please don't smoke the bong in the bathroom while you shit. It is not a shitting bong.
Why do you need me to cover for work?
I wouldn't say NEED but lets just say I smell like guacamole and semen.
Invited the whole bar back to my place for an after party.....shit got real with everyone seeing dad drink moonshine like a champ.
My CPA just snapchatted me a picture of her playing beer pong at a picnic. Time to do my own taxes?
I feel like I should remember what we did after leaving the party because apparently a llama was involved, but all I can manage is the part where I asked you to cuff my ankle to the bed so I wouldn't backflip away.
It reeks of weed and poor life decisions in here
Mike Pence got the fuck boy eyes though
you do realize the next step is naked mud wrestling, right?
Saw the Peanut butter guy at checkout he had at least 30 containers of it and like 6 different kinds...
Guess it's not a good idea to try lighting a cigarette with my stove drunk, I burnt off half my bangs.
Randomize
