No idea how I passed that sobriety test.
you ran into the room and announced "I JUST FUCKED HER IN THE ASS". apparently you forgot she left the bedroom 5 minutes before you and was standing with us all.
this girl and her friend just showed up at my house. standing together, theylook exactly like the number 10. this has cockblock written alllllll over it.
I just woke up covered In blood, I have cuts all over my body, I can't find my clothes from last night, I'm still wasted, i'm pretty sure I have a sprained ankle, and the best part is, I have absolutely no recollection of what led to this. THAT'S why vodka is the greatest drink in the world.
Only you could turn Mozart into a stripper song.
she was seriously choking and the whole time all he kept saying was "that's what she said"
Probably shouldn't have worn my jeans covered in blood from last night to class.
He has to watch his girlfriends kitten. Even when she is in Vegas, her pussy keeps him from getting into mine.
He is the one I "technically" lost my virginity to.
I feel like you never had a virginity..
A guy dressed like Jesus just gave me a mini keg. Prayers really do come true.
he was cumming and all I could think about was the pathway of sperm the in penis. thanks a lot nursing
We are no longer allowed to have pre 4th party week. I woke up with a donut stuck to my face and 'MILF' written in black marker on my stomach.
Mother of the Year
it's the amount of time you spend on preventing me from puking that really cements this friendship
I'm spring cleaning all of the fuck boys out of my life.
I feel like my toilet water looks different when outsiders use my bathroom...
Are you high right now?
HOW DID YOU KNOW!
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