when i was 16 reading the aftercare instructions at the piercing place i wondered why they would ever think to warn me about getting semen in my bellybutton
then i met college
I miss old school porno. There just isn't any love in porn these days.
Why do I feel like that's not the first time you've drank champagne with someone dressed as a unicorn?
I swear if his heart was half the size of the cum stains he's left on my sheets we would have the perfect relationship
drunkie insisted on stuffing the rest of his scrambled eggs in his pockets before we left ihop. we really should have left a better tip
I thinking of taking all of the pics of his dick that he's sent me and making a calendar.
Apparently I yelled "no stop it" in my sleep last night when he tried to cuddle with me.
Oops, guess its official. I just use him for sex.
If I come home tho and find u passed out naked in my bed with the bottle of crown empty, we're gonna have issues.
I'm sorry, I can't help the fact that I like to sleep naked, and I like booze, together it looks bad, yes.
Talk about an dramatic entrance, girl rolled up on a stolen bike and was wearing heels and a dress, through it on the ground and said "you guys want a bike?" Of course i jumped on that shit, any sane person would!
I woke up this morning with a tampon in my nose and food EVERYWHERE...
I tell you, MacGyver never had to put up with people shitting themselves while he worked...
I danced with a french guy who licked the sweat off my neck and poured a drink on me. Not gonna lie, that shit was refreshing
The last thing I remember is talking to the firefighter next to me and he was giving me fruit.
logically I know i should probably study somewhere outside my dorm room, but if I do that then I cant drink and smoke half as much while i study
Should I apologize for the loud sex I had in his living room? Because I'm not going to.
Definitely not.
Randomize
