I just learned that your liver regrows itself every 2 months. Best news I've heard all week.
Oh my god. I think I just sexted my mom...
What?!
Fwd: Ride me, you sleek sleek woman!!!
I'm walking down the halls of our hotel and listening for sex noises and knocking when I do.
Our relationship just reached the stage where i can touch her boobs while making a honking noise without getting hit in the face
they are using this drunk girl like a spin the bottle in the hot tub, whoever she lands on she makes out with.
Yes, but it's not new to me. It's like every time a new guy finds out I'm a squirter it's a novelty so they make me squirt and squirt and squirt until their bed is completely soaked. And then afterwards they complain that there isn't a dry bit to sleep on. No shit Sherlock.
In the future, could you not call me 'bro' while we're having sex?
There are many penises to be discovered and claimed tonight
We're like Lewis and Clark
I feel like too many of my sentences start of with "Hey, fuckface!"
i think i just lost a toe
I'm sitting in my car avoiding a customer. Apparently the new year hasn't affected my attitude nor work ethic
He told us a story about a time his 80 year old uncle karate chopped a dick in a glory hole.
This is not a test of the emergency warning system. He has broken my vagina. I repeat he has broken my vagina. Damn it was good.
I mean metaphorically. Literally zombies have yet to invade. Let's be rational here.
Profesor just winked at me. This class might be easier than I thought
Randomize
