someone is gonna have my baby tonight. they just dont know it yet
I'll alert the authorities
I am drunk raised to the nth degree. The possibility of getting sick is approaching infinity.
The lack of respect you have for your penis baffles me. I'd rather rub my ball sack on public toilet seats than stick my dick in some of those girls.
A simple 'no' would have sufficed
oh yeah I know that guy. he's legit. slept in my closet a few times
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I miss waking up, opening the closet downstairs, and finding you inside passed out.
It wasn't until that morning that I realized I wasn't actually dreaming, finding myself in the bathtub with someone laying on me
Sorry for punching you in the face last night. I should have known the boxing gloves were a bad idea from the start.
I whispered "you're doing a great Job" when he was fucking me. Then high fived him.
You will never know an awkward moment until your parents pick you up from a one night stand.
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Drinking a bawls. If I'm dead when you get home, yes, they are poisoned.
I had so much stripper lotion and body glitter on my glasses I had a hard time driving home.
Sorry that I was such a monster last night. It was the drugs, I promise.
CRAIGSLIST IS NOT THE ANSWER
IM LONELY AND HORNY
He literally said, while inside me, "I would smack your ass but I don't want to wake my mom up". Amazing.
He is a real estate investor who’s face I’m going to sit on.
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