We walked because you started screaming when you finally realized he wasn't Ben Bailey and it wasn't the Cash Cab.
i just heard a guy call his kid "Google" in a way that leads me to believe that's his name. this day couldn't get worse.
She had a muffin-top while wearing a one piece bathing suit. Thats gotta break one of newton's laws or something
when i was ordering pizza, the guy muffled the phone but i could clearly hear him say "its that drunk bitch again"
He gave me a book last time I slept there. Im beginning to feel like a really weird hooker. Like instead of money he gives me random shit he has lying around. like hamburger buns
My god. We'll be gay porn millionaires.
And apparently i asked another younger guy at the bar if he wanted his bud light pumped straight into his vag. As i put back an irish car bomb...
I sent him this really overly apologetic text asking him out. It was just sad. Not even 27 shots of whiskey can grow me a self-esteem.
I actually just took 17 pictures of some guy at the gas station that needs to marry me now
I think there is a legit party going on the place we thought was AA
dude, im taking a shit and i just realized it's his MOM in the shower not him...oh fuck
Caprisun cuts tequila surprisingly well...
Woke up with two different pairs of pants in the pockets of a jacket.None of the above are mine.
I am 95% sure I just heard my cat say "What are you doing home? It's Saturday night."
Irony: drinking your pre workout supplement out of the cup your Krispy Kreme doughnut holes came in.
Randomize
