Dude i just saw JT leaving the hospital. He drove there to get fluids because he was too drunk, so they hooked him up to an IV so he didn't get alcohol poisoning. Did I mention he drove there? Oh yea and our roommates in the hospital with alcohol poisoning, she just puked up coal. So many ppl are here, it's like a hospital party, I love spring quarter!
I cant. I'm trying to smell my vagina.
Turns out they use me as an example of What Not To Do at freshman orientation. My little brother told me.
Chinese roommate asked me this a.m when u left if all girls here have multiple boyfriends..
"Guy Time" translaed into 10 shots apiece and me waking up covered in my own blood.
No one knows who he is but he hasn't missed a shot in beer pong yet. He's dressed as lance armstrong and is tearing shit up.
I believe I won the Golden Vodka Bottle of sadness last night for crying while being party boyed.
She said she'd heard about my nickname in high school. Apparently sledgehammer isn't as popular as you'd believe...
Did he seem like the type of guy that would maybe take weed as payment?
I'm really high and I'm watching this show where Gordon Ramsay goes to other people's restaurants and just yells at them about things.
My very favorite thing in the whole world is when guys try to booty call her as I'm fucking her. Sucks to suck.
we both turned hook ups into relationships we are crushing this thing called life right now.
I'm high. I apologize for that last sentence
Somehow I just turned an entire McDonald's bag upside down in my car and not a single fry fell out. The Lord really does work in mysterious ways.
found my cat trying to steal a lighter to hide away for himself. cat what are you doing. don't pocket my lighter.
Randomize
