You should dream of me :)
I'm going to dream of single life.
Are you okay?
Don't worry. Self-respect preserved. My speech was Grey's quality... I made him cry.
not only did i climb through the window at 4 am but here i am 4 hours later for my interview at the mall and i'm staring in the dark pet store barking at puppies
you know you go to a catholic school when you are rollin a joint with matthew 14:1-12
I know eh? If a man wants to pay 7 bucks to see some boobies he should be allowed to do so in peace.
i like being sick. whatever the doctor gave me is awesone. the walls are waving at me. i never want to get better.
We really have to stop convincing people tazing is the cool thing to do.
the only thing you said was do the helicopter dick
Heres a quick tip! When getting black out head from your girlfriend dont come to and say "wait... wheres my girlfriend"
Post breakup Disney World may be my best idea ever! Tinkerbell just grabbed my dick and gave me a kiss! This really is the happiest place on earth!
I managed all three standard threesome configurations a female-bodied person can achieve in just under nine years. I want to high-five everyone involved, but I've lost touch with a couple of them
Always keep a stash of tequila in your work desk. That is like adulting 101.
Just found $31 in my desk drawer. In $1's. WTF happened last night?!
Was picked up in the middle of a bar full of people...apparently I'm not tall enough to reach for drunken makeouts. I'm proud of myself.
Dude, Kevin called the cops on the cops.
Randomize
