Denmark girl wants me to go out but i remembered shes a raging whore with extremely questionable morals. Not feelin that tonight
low key just jizzed in a chinese food container
Don't make me choose between a good grade and anal
I had to close one eye to read the questions on my final this morning. That hungover.
He pulled a potato out of his bag in the library. A WHOLE FRIGGIN POTATO. He ate it like it was an apple and waved at the librarian as she stared at him.
I just want you to sit on my face and to tell you you're pretty. Most girls would leap at this opportunity.
Only once have I found myself in the condom aisle holding a bundt cake...
He wanted me naked, so I got naked. You can't hold that against me.
sex in a tree stand. check.
you lucky bastard
I sincerely hope you find your fuck buddy and have a wonderful night of champagne and whores
Halfway through the blowjob she stopped and said 'Wait I know this dick'.
I put purple lights under my bed and asked him if he wanted to fuck in a spaceship.
I love when my neighbors have passionate, loud sex to remind me that I'm not getting laid
I just wanna suck his dick on my balcony ya know
Everytime I feel sad about the break up; I recall that she is a Bernie supporter and feel all better
Randomize
