I used a bag of wine as a pillow last night.
Do you reaalllllly want to put "porn editor" on your resume?
I want Jason Statham to talk British to my vagina.
I'm starving. my midnight snack, aka a teaspoon of cum, isn't holding me over
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
HER PREGGO ASS BROUGHT SPEGHETTI-O'S... IN HER PURSE.
They don't exactly give out small business loans to start-up dealers
If you're wondering where your left shoe is you lost it in a bet with a homeless guy last night
How do you feel?
Like the devil himself shit me out, baked me into a pie, ate the pie, and shit me out again.
Im eating a cannibus peanut butter and jelly sandwich, while snuggling a stuffed animal. Either this flu is really really harsh or I'm some kind of stoner toddler
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It feels like I was drinking gasoline last night.
Allow me to explain. Triple D is a surprise. It's like if you're expecting to fight one person, then you get ambushed by more. Except it's a good ambush, because it's boobs, not death.
There is a huge fucking spider in my bathroom....I can just burn our apartment down right? What do you need me to grab?
Like he was trying to be sexy but he had shit taste in porn so i left
Bring beers. The password is "I brought beers" but you can't come in if you're a liar
you stood in front of the mirror for 20 minutes and finally said, "he can hear everything i'm saying inside my head. we need to leave." now try and tell me there is no such thing as too high.
Randomize