I just accidently deleted 60 gigs of porn from my external hard drive. Thats over 300 pornos! I think im gonna cry.
Im surprised that you are even able to text me right now.
She came to work with 6 additional layers of make-up, playing every Nickelback song about explicit teen sex, and with a dozen twinkies she bet she could finish without chewing any. I'm investing in a rape whistle.
You know your from las vegas when the girl on the stage in the strip club was in my US gov class senior year
There is a girl in bio drinking beer out of a starbucks cup with a straw
I really can't get over how proud I am of all us getting laid at the same time in the same apartment
I don't know what's happening. Everyone is wearing beaks.
I'm hungover in the park, and some guy just handed me a business card for his church. I can feel Jesus' disapproval running through my fingertips
I have a test in the morning in sign language about signs for drugs and alcohol use. Im drunk and rolling a blunt. I've never felt so confident about a grade in my life.
Hahaha my philosophy professor just opened class with "I had a shitty weekend and I was at the bar until 815 this morning. So bear with me".
I woke up in Brittany's thong, Tony's shirt, and an oven mitt
He kept saying I needed to go to the hospital and it just made me want to call him a pussy so I went to bed
well whats the tarot card for I'm totes going to be schlobbing his cob? because that's in his future.
It took 5 bourbons for him to handcuff and spank me and then he cried after sex. The men that like me are so unstable.
You know the sex was rough when you wake up with a chipped tooth. I have no regrets
I'm drunk but I just ate 2 heads of broccoli so does that mean it evens out?
Yes absolutlely
Randomize
