I know, he also has a fancy car to make up for his tiny penis
You know, I didn't realize this at the time, but it appears that I am being "heavily petted" by 3 grown men in that pic.
If these were biblical times then you'd be a Roman Senator.
Last night this chick queefed when I was going down on her. Thinking if you! xo
what part of covering your puke with shaving cream seemed like a good idea?
New dating criteria: what kind of ex will this person be?
You know its bad when you can over hear the planned parenthood nurses talking shit behind your back... they've seen everything
The best time of year to be high is WHEN THE KING CAKES ARE HALF OFF BECAUSE MARDI GRAS IS OVER YEEEEEEEEEEEEAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHH
Alright, my brain isn't sure how to properly function on a Wednesday with no hangover and more than 3 hours of sleep.
Sundays should be dedicated to Girl Scout cookies, sex, and super hero movies.
we should look into getting a golf cart for the weekend. i have a feeling legs wont be a sufficient source of transportation.
I was galloping around pretending to give birth to pbrs. I could have used a mask.
Great news I took pics last night
Warning: most of them are of you peeing while I take selfies
I don't think you understand. I woke up under the car. At 3 am. In the club parking lot.
DO NOT SLAP ANYONE WITH ANY VEGAN MEAT PATTIES
I'm sitting alone in a bar pretending to watch football because I don't know where the liquor store is around here and I'll be god damned I'm going to be sober on my day off.
Randomize
