...you put a chicken patty in my toaster last night..
I just found him singing into an empty paper towel roll while microwaving an empty ice cream carton. I'm gonna run away now.
Jerry just sent me this: IOR GHIT ALL THE BUTTIB. Go get him. Now.
No he didn't understand the sequence...then I started texting him these texts with vagina strategically spelt correctly in jumbles of letters.
getting a black eye the first day of spring break really sets the tone for the rest of the week.
Anne I just took two ambiens. I think my body is melting into my blow up bed. Like a stick of butter just slowly melting. And I'm alright. Don't be afraid. I'll be alright.
He is now tagging himself in my pics from last year where he is barely visable in the corner. i feel like he's marking his territory.
i left because you were standing at the top of the stairs throwing shot glasses and bottles full of alcohol at me and yelling JAGERBOMBS
future-me showed up mid trip and gave us a thumbs up.
there is a video of me on Facebook getting mad at a trash bin what the fuck was in your Pepsi
He let me finish eating my sandwich while I sat his face. I think I'm in love with this little eager beaver.
Is 36 too old to fuck a college student? THIS IS BOTH IMPORTANT AND TIME SENSITIVE
My sweat smells like Wild Turkey. I'm really feeling the holiday spirit.
Never in my life did I think i would give a blow job in the bathroom of my old elementary school. Twice.
Well when I woke up this morning I didn’t think I’d be masturbating to my own LinkedIn profile today but here we are
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