i used baking grease as lip gloss
Party priorities: alcohol > girls > music > cups > decorations
If him repeating sorry while thrusting isn't makeup sex than I don't know what else is
Why did you leave me a note saying 'find the canary'
A homeless man walked up to me at the bar, pointed, and told me to get my shit together. Jesus?
i never thought i could drink so much vodka in 8 minutes
We're discussing which museums we should go to when we shroom. How ill would Picasso be?
I'm on a mission. But just to make out with him so his relationship collapses and he is single when I come back in April.
Can you please reassure him im not a scary or intimidating person? And that really my entire life is a series of completely ridiculous events that have led me here?
Dude she said she'd let me snort a line off her ass now I just have to wait for them to break up
Just threw up in front of the Boy Scouts on my base. Welcome to the Navy kids.
If I learned anything from that one time I saw the last 10 minutes of oprah when they talked about the secret, it is that you project what you receive back. I also have wine.
This is what we get for finishing a whole box of Franzia by ourselves
He took me out to dinner to tell me we had to stop fucking so randomly
Honestly wish he pleased me as much as queso does
Have u seen my vagina and my gorilla costume? Im in need of it.
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