And whoever invented the condom should be put to death.
She said I wasn't helping her abandonment issues by not responding to her texts at 4 am
I think I'm coming down now. I almost started crying because I lost a piece of paper.
I rolled out of the car, crawled on all fours to the door, did somersaults all the way to my room, and then I ran across the parking lot to tell our neighbor you wanted to bang him. I'm not even sure if it was the right guy.
Like, I just want to be naked rolling around in soft things.
Hey, this is Travis. I just so intelligently deduced that I am in a college dorm somewhere in western oregon. Probably WOU, based on the process of elimination.
bad night - i tried for naughty librarian but could only manage to pull off pissed off barrista.
Breathalizer & tazer party did not go as casually as expected.
People were drinking out of 26ers with straws, and somewhere someone yelled "fill me with dicks!" I'm home.
Just gave a blow job while wearing a shirt that says 'world's coolest mom' idk how my conscience feels...
Proudest moment of my life. Just watched a guy walk into the side of a car because I winked at him. Love these yoga pants and my hair. Fuck yes. His mouth was hanging open.
sex, shower, sex, ice cream sandwiches?
You know you're too high when you find yourself crying at " hand in my pocket" by Alanis Morissette because it's "just TOO REAL"
You can now call me Rabbi, and I can now perform weddings, funerals, and other services in all fifty states. You're welcome, world.
So learned a new trick last night.... Taking body shots from my own tits... Mom would be so proud
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