one two three fourrrrnication!
She is my favorite of all the girls you have fucked. Other than me.
They still haven't come up with a cure for a hangover; good luck cancer.
well tonys high enough to be moving from spot to spot around the kitchen shooting tortellini into a boiling pot and yelling "KING JAMES" whether he makes or misses it.
This guy just brought his piggy bank into the bar with him. Talk about corruption of childhood.
do you ever get flashbacks of ppl you had sex with and just shudder at how gross they were/how drunk you were?
story of my life.
she's crying and begging for her chapstick and insisting on walking home...her every thursday ritual
Kristy will be communicating through my phone. Due to her current blood alcohol level, the laws of Pennsylvania, Erie county, and common decency have deemed that she is no longer permitted to have her own phone.
The problem with that is that my car has been stolen
Nothing makes me happier than finding out someone else is pregnant and it's not you.
I just took three of the most beautiful hits of my life. As elegant and smooth and delicate and graceful as figure skating
I have weed and a speedo - I don't need anything else.
Walking my dog and eating a taco in last night's dress.. Classy
You kept asking us from the backseat if you were driving ok and then you kept talking to your hiccups and yelling at them to "stop it already!"
I swear it’s like he’s filling my soul via my vagina
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