96 perecent sure i just took a shower with socks
Just got off the phone with poison control. They're more concerned about our alcohol intake than that the beer bong was last cleaned with pine sol.
Bring more bourbon. Day drunk just hit another level.
He is the Donovan McNabb of stuff up his ass. Tell me that tomorrow. Too high to remember.
We're playing fucking games. GAMES. THIS IS BULL SHIT. IM GOING TO THROW UP ON THE BABIES AND LEAVE.
you did a full monologue with your sober self last night. different voices and everything.
He was sleeping, but the way he was made him look like an adorable, fuzzy penis
wine pong. its mother daughter day and i think she's mad. I smell like jager
It's been so long that I've occasionally forgotten I own a vagina
Did I get stoned on a sunday afternoon and speak to someone on the phone for an hour about cats and their behaviour? Glad you asked. And yes.
Nobody knows who they are, but they have an ice luge so they are welcome in my book
Well its official, I'm into significantly freakier sex than even I thought possible.
But did u die
I found an onion in my purse
Responsible things to do when you're too hungover to get out of bed: Breast self exam.
Bro I rebuilt the dungeon in animal crossing visit me
Broooo
Randomize
