drunk at some random house party. come get me. i thought i pulled my dick out to go piss... it was my left nut. im soaked.
were having a shit on karen session at work but then she walked in so we used code names instead and she tried to join in like she knew them
you were convinced that if all her tampons were gone her period would stop, so you started eating them.
Only my sister would update her facebook status while going into labor.
I was cleaning up my drunken mess and I found my ID in a cereal box
Did I at antime last saturday slip away and sign up for a prayer circle?
Everyone is hammered wasted already...young, old, the dying, babies...we got them all
I used his computer to order the pizza and the only thing he had in his search bar was 'text NASA'
stop calling me dude. finger blasting me officially kills you being able to call me dude.
Dude, all I know is that I came out of this thing wearing a snorkel mask and completely covered in glitter and soap.
Basically she credited me and my dick pic for boosting the moral of all the Safeway workers
Come over. And we'll put iced coffee in the bong.
Last night I had a dream that I changed my last name to Vodka. what does that say about my life?
My life is over, I got a mugshot while wearing a shirt that said 'milf hunter'.
I have had flashes of 69ing, a strawberry flavored condom and begging him to sleep naked.
Randomize
