Spraying perfume on pants makes them clean right?
69 |D_O
wtf does that mean??
it's a very specialized emoticon, means 'i heard you fucking some dude through my bedroom wall last night and so i listened intently"
My 10 year old brother handed me a pack of condoms and said "here, i don't wanna be an uncle yet."
This is even worse then that time I fucked a guy just because he had air conditioning.
so i literally woke up after a night of doing lines to a bag of pretzels falling off my bed. a reminder that maybe this is a contributing factor to my freshman 15.
Hung over does not do it justice. I am hung like a horse over. I am hungover and over and over. I am hung, drawn and quartered fucking over. They just told me I can't keep my sunglasses on in the office. Fuck drinking with you people.
Dude she pregamed for her sorority's philanthropy.
when your 30 and im 37 and we're lonely and single, lets make a pact to murder each other.
Yeah, but I think it would be a little awkward to explain to Mom that the girl I brought for lunch is not my girlfriend but just a fuck buddy who I met after she hit and totaled my car last month.
My goal for the weekend: procure a blowjob using only stern glances, hand gestures, and crudely-drawn stick figures.
Although now I have "number of cheese slices" as a unit of boob measurement in my head.
All she said to me before going to get another shot was "Damn, I'd eat her out."
I threw your vagina at him like a grenade. And sweet Jesus he caught it like a champ
I got wine drunk and bought a hedgehog
I know you like got hit by a car but do you want to come to my birthday pardi
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