I thought the fact that I took home a 42 year old with 3 kids would excuse my tardiness this morning because my boss is also 42 and has 3 kids. Boy was I wrong.
I want a meaningful relationship and i wont get one if i keep giving him blow jobs in my basement while watching family guy.
filling out my bracket based on schools with ppl I've hooked up with
im breathing rainbows and everyone is talking in bubbles whatever you gave me give me more
OH. MY. GOD. FUCK HIM. JUST GRAB HIM AND FUCK HIM.
I think I hit my head on every surface in that apartment last night
After much deliberatipn and vodka, my favourite phrase of Christmas 2012 is "penis of last resort"
I don't know if I want context or not...
Context involves faux incest and champagne. Id go into detail but im on shot number 5.
He somehow pantsed the bouncer and tipped him over before cartwheeling and skipping away? Help me find him.
If I remember correctly I tried to steal a mail truck last night
How likely is it that we can see each other tomorrow night? I want to shave my legs in good faith but it's cold outside and my bathroom is drafty.
Thirty seconds is a long time in jizz time...
The guy next to me on the bus has one hole in his jeans that has over 20 mini dicks drawn on his leg. Classic.
...blackout vacation is awesome. Where did you end up? I think i'm in Miami.
Hospital.
We have massive handle of kettle and a rack of hi life
That's the happiest ive ever been at 7:48 am....
Is there a subtle way to tell him he needs to hydrate? 8 years of yoga and kegels. He has no idea what I’m going to do to him this weekend
Randomize
