if i had a dollar for every time ive had to piece a night together like they did in "the hangover", i bet i could outsell their weekend box office earnings...
I'm getting drunk watching the disney channel. Is this a main reason why we aren't together anymore?
I was in the bathroom throwing up...when I walked out he was sitting there watching porn and jacking off. He said, "Sounded like you were gonna be in there for a while."
she had condoms in her med. cabinet - magnums -I don't think I'm tall enough for this ride
my mom just asked me about sexting and if I have ever sent a naked picture to anyone. i fucking hate fox news.
i really wish i had a remote for my computer. its all the way on my bed while im across the hall puking my brains out to enya. not cool.
I don't know if this beer pong partnership can last if you refuse to look me in the eye when we make sweet sweet clutch cup at the same time.
Why are there maracas in the dishwasher?
You told me to pour the Gatorade on you "like Flashdance"
Just found bud in my hair....gotta love curls
They were picking gravel out of my face for an hour. I think I took more out of the road than the road did of me.
Barfights against pavement aren't genrally won by people. Props.
When he wears his hair down and sandals, he looks like Jesus. A Jesus I would fuck.
That's not what Jesus is for
I have poison ivy on my dick
WHAT
I make him buy me all the extremely expensive high end Mac cosmetics I desire. Wear it then let him cum on my face. I am fucking glamorous.
Quote from doctor, "that is a VERY angry vagina".
I'm fucked.
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