giving a blow job on a jetski isn't as easy as it sounds.
If Amber from Teen Mom can get a new boyfriend, so can I.
its the kind of pain that only someone with a fucking elephant on their head would understand. I'm never drinking again.
Can we have a celebratory fuck now that the lockout is over?
You're the best girlfriend ever.
All I remember is intermittent flashes of being passed out on the side of the road 3 or 4 different times. And telling him to just leave me there and I would walk home in the morning.
the worst part was waking up this morning to his skrillex ringtone.....when was it ever okay for friends to let other friends go home WITH GUYS LIKE THAT!?
I cannot believe this. A potential 2016 Olympiad wants my vag. To which I respond "GO FOR THE GOLD"
you have to be that girl in the audience holding up the sign that says i fucked the shit out of you
This is how baked we were last night. Our drinking game: We stare at each other; first one to laugh drinks.
His flight is delayed. Mother Nature is delaying me from sex.
Got robbed by an ATM. My weekend officially sucks.
Should we go get some celebratory "I'm not pregnant" tacos?
It's dollar drink night and I have my honors society initiation tomorrow. Somehow I think this will not end well.
Do you remember feeding the vacuum doritos last night?
I love how when he said ecstasy pills both of our heads whipped around like a couple of horned owls.
We finally gave up searching because everything had started to look like flip flops
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