Last night while we were having sex, 'God bless the USA' started playing on his itunes. He came almost immediately... so awkward.
I remember why I come home for the holidays. Sam Adams is the cheapest beer in the fridge
Made a visit to my old puking stall. I missed it.
We can't all go after the girl with the low self-esteem
there's a picture of him beating off in the library with a cowboy hat. please steer clear of this one if you ever want to be respected.
Fucking him was like shopping for my first training bra.. Embarrassing yet extremely useful
Drunk me thinks I can light up a cig anywhere, sober me finds this hilarious and highly irresponsible. The grocery store is not a bar.
I wish they could condense everything I needed, nutritionally speaking, into mike and ikes
I dunno what he did but it both burns and feels amazing to pee
Someone just got pizza delivered to the liquor store.
If you make 120 dollars and I walk instd of drive and don't eat or smoke this week we can pay rent
sometimes i just have a bad day n consider lowering my standards
Not going to lie, when I looked in the tub I expected to see what might have been remnants of a squirrel.
I went with vodka instead of tequila tonight so I make better decisions. Fool proof plan.
I think/hope James is drunk. He's standing in the front lawn loudly declaring "I AM a popsicle!" Over and over....
Randomize
