he just found out the funeral is this morning so i'm wearing last night's clothes and look like a total slut.
The wedding was scheduled to start 5 min. ago. 20 people here so far, groomsmen in tees and jeans, catering by Costo. NO ONE OUR AGE IS READY FOR MARRIAGE!
We Started drinking at 8am and left the bar around 11pm....I hate ALL green things
Just when I think I'm the one with the problem, I get home for the holidays and the family shows me what alcoholism is really about
yeah they are definitely having sex in that car. joe just yelled through the window telling them to do the "titanic hand print thing"
Dude you missed it. This guy in the liquor store knocked over a whole display of 5 hour energy with his face.
What's a good pandora station to masturbate to?
Wait. Wine + Crossbow..?
Her delivery came. She's ordered a pack of 144 condoms.
After last night, I think I need a service animal to monitor the life choices I make when I'm inebriated. A monkey, or a clever dog. Or a really assertive parrot.
You knocked on your freshman year room door, told the kids who opened it "I own you", and attempted to force-feed them everclear.
I've had to take two showers today and it's not even 1 o'clock. Why won't this weekend wash off?
Gonna be late for work. Sex comes first. Priorities.
Why am I sleeping on top of the fridge?
You were playing hide and seek with the dog. she couldn't find you and you passed out.
they call themselves the foursome.. thats def means they're up for one right?
Randomize
