New beer pong partner names "Bus Boys" ... We clear tables
Just dropped $150 at the liquor store. No power and two feet of snow has taken my alcoholism to another level.
I know I'm all grown up when I don't have to take my pregnancy test in the store bathroom anymore.
the point i decided it was time to leave was when i was on the floor of the bar, after taking her down with me, and a table.
Somewhere between the 2 hours of sex and her urgently rushing to work she manged to steal all $329.33 in my jeans. Worst one night stand ever, she even took the pennies.
What do I have to do to get you laid? I talked to that girl with the ugly dog for 45 minutes trying to get you in, and all you said was "Steven Spielberg is my favorite director."
you fell asleep spooning with his golden retriever. im not sure if thats more degrading for you or the dog
I don't remember coming in last night, but apparently I ate a piece of pizza because when I woke up I had pizza crust stuck to the back of my thighs.
I assume you passed out however I'm drinking jäger and beer in bed with my cat so your friendship world have been appreciated
I just met a stripper in the light of day who I ate a candy bikini off her body. This is how my weekend is going.
Sorry I've been a slutty nightmare this week
Drunk and bowling. Only good things can come of this
We had sex on a couch that was held together by Velcro. Want to know an unsexy sound? Velcro ripping apart under your bare ass.
Why is the floor coated in a 2 inch blanket of popcorn??
if anyone breaks out the olive oil & slip n slide, text me 911.
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