you can't get genital warts from dogs can you?
U know u have sex too much when u have lube in ur rolliball on ur blackberry
They told me I stole 50 buns and a bottle of mayo and would whisper in their ears to look under my shirt to see what was for breakfast... benefit of starting to drink at 9 am
Its a good thing the lights were off cuz Im pretty sure the look on my face when I touched his penis would have offended him
i woke up in his bed to a "teach your baby to read" infomercial. i pray to GOD that's not a sign
4 am. She strained the mac and cheese onto her legs. She has no skin.
I got the number from the girl at uhaul even after she saw me throw up all over the parking lot with a 6 pack in my hands.
So you think it's my fault? I didn't give you the 10 shots you took nor make you eat the brownies we made... btw, i found your engagement ring, it was in the last brownie you wouldn't let me have while dragging me to my room.
Don't make it weird, I don't think about you when I'm climaxing, it's just that I see you rooting me on.
You kept asking her which dick pills worked the best. She's a grandmother.
Do you have pictures of my pancakes
I need to show the world
They are the pancake equivalent of eventual wife
We had sex on the bear rug. He said "you, me and the bear. This is bear-idise"
The only people who really get me are strippers and mascots for sports teams.
just drove past - why are you walking towards the shop in your pyjamas?
Can't talk, on a quest for bacon.
I totally fucked your pastor last night.
You're his wife.
Still a dirty get down.
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