Get your hand out of your ass!
how did you know my hand was in my ass? Guess where my other hand is..?
In your belly button
i was just lookin through my fb pics and i think im with a cat in like 40% of them..: how sad is my life
he pushed my hair back because he said it made me look like kelly kapowski and he told me to call him zach
It really ruins the moment when you have to ask to resend the nude pics.
Have you seen Dave? He's not on top of the bar anymore but I found his shirt.
Also adulthood=replacing meals with bourbon. And not getting your hair caught in a fan.
I can only only sleep there on nights I orgasm cause he snores so loud and if he leaves me hanging one more time ill probably cut off his dick from lack of sleep and frustration
Some people dream of being astronauts others dream of having genitalia that shines like Edward Cullen in the sun
I was about to take him home and fuck his brains out but then the police came and arrested him for the stolen credit card he had been buying me drinks with all night...
watched my neighbor eat five yodels, mow his lawn, and then cry on his porch after the party... what did you give him?
This is like a walk of shame down memory lane.
i just got carded for condoms. wtf.....this is new. isnt safe sex a good thing?
You were arrested in a tiara again... maybe you shouldn’t wear one.
He said he broke his back in 3 spots & my first thought was "there goes my booty call".
Did u have a 2nd thought
I need a new booty call.
It's magical, I'm just dancing. It's like prom but by myself and with less clothes.
Randomize
