i've never been more proud of someone than i was when he told me he got his first blowjob at age 13...from two chicks
Im drunk and they're making me play quiet game. Im scared. Baptists are here
I'm at the gas station where we got beef jerky and condoms. The fact that those two are in the same sentence makes me love you more.
I gotta stop tellin complete strangers at the bar that they're the godparents to my first born
I am in macy's and just straight up heard an old lady taking a crap in her depends.
Empowerment dancing to Touch Me in the Morning by Diana Ross. Handling this breakup SO well.
I don't mean to ruin your favorite Disney movie...but...we both came when Mufasa died.
2nd year in a row being a arrested before school starts...tradition at its finest
SHE GRABBED MY FULLY ERECT DICK IN A BAR AND STUCK HER TONGUE DOWN MY THROAT AND I COULD NOT CLOSE
Her family was right next to mine during christmas eve mass. Between the terrifying glares and her trying to set my sleeve on fire during the candle part I am VERY sure she knows im fucking her ex...
Can we go one day without you telling me that your dick misses me
My legs feel like baby dolphins
You know you've been having sex for 9 months when you do Rock Paper Scissors for who has to go on top
On a scale of 1-10 I’m at biblical violence
you walked into the party, and all you had on was your left sock... literally.
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