hey, here's something you don't have worry about since you're a girl: finding crusty cum in your bellybutton.
He made me stop in the middle of giving him a blowjob so he could go get his glasses. because he "wanted to see". I need to stop dating nerds.
so now that i'm sober i just want to apologize for violating your back seat...... on a brighter note thank you for playing the little mermaid song "kiss the girl," really set the mood.
Post a pic on facebook and see if those same 46 girls find shitting in the bed handsome and adorable
Beer acquired. Food is cooking
Wow, you are almost sliding into home plate for some stellar fellatio
Would it be weird if your parents sold me weed?
How do you leave a condom wrapper under my mom's pillow...
This may not be the best moment to laugh, but I am.
the liver wants what the liver wants
We broke my graduation cords last night when we used them to tie each other up during sex last night
Would it be creepy if I masturbated with my face in the pillow he slept on last night? Cuz I'm pretty sure that's about to happen
It will pretty much be equal to the feeling I had when you let me hold your dick while you were peeing, or when I graduated high school!
Yeah, he fractured his ass by doing a canon ball into the bath tub....
My dog just blew me a kiss. First of all I'm stoned and second of all he's a pitbull. Those aren't sexual dogs. So wtf.
Hey. Did I get punched in the face last night?
Yeah. I told you I would and you didn't believe me.
Dude, running 15 min late.
Let's play a game, you pay for all the drinks I can finish before you get here. Go.
Randomize
