70 feet underwater and I sharted my wetsuit, Tide pen won't clean this up.
I know i'm the slutty cousin, but be honest. have you ever got your nose ring caught on a guy's zipper?
No more tipping the bathroom attendant with your phone.
1 in 5 deaths i nrussia is alcohol related. GO MOTHERLAND
Doctor just prescribed me 20mg Ritalin 3 times a day. It's becoming the "grain and oats" section of my food triangle.
Its not that I don't mind giving her as much as my penis as she wants, its the post sex cigarette I have to supply. Shits $9 a pack.
Put a tip jar next to your bed from now on.
Your good ideas are reason #4 we need to live together.
My roommate is either deadlifting a bus or having sex. I can't tell which
You were all "think outside the box, inside the bag!" as you filled your camelback with beer.
She told me her last name, which as you know is my #1 turn-off.
if i don't get grease into my system pronto i will undoubtedly die
my suitemate came in my room last night and flashed me. and then she just walked away. deff transferred to the right school
Sex in a hot air balloon, top that one!
Last night at a party someone grabbed my ass so I just fucking punched them in the face then went home and ate a frozen pizza
Throwing my sister a bisexual bachelorette party was the best idea ever. I made out with both strippers and the hot bartender promised to "gay marry" me if I take him as my date to the wedding.
You just kept yelling GET YOUR SKATES ON, BITCHES. WE'RE GOING STREAKING.
Randomize
