not allowed to tweet this cos she's following me but i definitely just got head in a stairwell of the university of chicago. wanted you all to know.
Why do guys in porn never have boxers on?
better question: why do you always text me when you're watching porn
She literally thanked me for asking before I put in her ass
apparently i'm really good at getting wasted, having sex all night, getting multiple hickeys and oversleeping father's day brunch. this is the third year its happened.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I will never get the visual of you crying while chewing christmas lights out of my head
I really need to stop coming home drunk and lint rolling my rabbit.
Things found in my vomit last night: cell phone, Von Hayes rookie card, a boot, my dignity
Was rudely woken up by strangers at 4:15am. I was leaning against the stoplight at 9th
I stumbled in at 6am to find my cat in the window making a noise I've never heard her make. When I went to the window there was a goat outside staring at us.
Are you sure? Or did you just think there was a goat?
No there was a goat. I gave it a donut.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Is this the girl that wrote "Poon Slayer" across my chest?!
Why can't I live in a world where my only 2 options are rum bikini hot tub party or masturbating?
You were saying you didn't want to go home and insisted that I drop you guys off at your uncles. That's how you ended up sleeping on a porch with two dudes
I just look @ having a child spit on you as another form of birth control. I think my ovaries just tied themselves in a knot.
Multiple bruises and a hell of a headache later, I have still to find out where the fuck I picked up the bottom half of a mannequin.
as he was bent over the toilet, he turned to me and said "barbarian kyle is much stronger than regular kyle" and then went right back to puking.
Randomize