i just checked to make sure valentines day this year was on a weekend assuming ill want to be drunk all day
hearing about your life makes me feel so good about mine
Hopefully. Play it cool. Bust out a few jokes. Chew with your mouth closed and show your boobs.
Hippo gnu deer
Lazier than spoon feeding yourself popcorn and debating adult diapers so you don't have to leave the mentalist marathon on tv?
I'm out of mixers so I am using sugar water. Times are tough.
When i sexted him a pic of my boobs I was worried he was going to notice the dorito crumbs and know I was just eating topless
I'd be 10x more excited if going out didn't require pants or the general giving of fucks
It's like my life is one of those movies where after a bunch of outlandish events that only happen in a movie the girl realizes her true life calling and lives a great life with a sexy man of multiple races. But I'm stuck in the fucked up part where 25 year olds come in their pants.
Well, I guess that's how life goes for my dad. One minute you're walking with your cooler on the afterglow of a Lynyrd Skynyrd concert, the next you find your grown son choking out a drunk redneck against your pickup truck.
I was doing karaoke to "baby got back" and apologizing for being white at the same time.
He handed me a beer to drink as he went down on me. I want to keep him
Sometimes I refuse to go through a door until someone holds it open for me because I'm a fucking lady.
I'm sorry that you wanted to get laid and I all I did was play with your new cat instead.
I'm not sure you count what happened last night as sex.
Should I be concerned that he called me mom when I got in bed on top of him?
Randomize
