My first STD was from a foam party
It's like having an annoying little brother who wants to have sex with you
The answer to your question is yes. I am wearing a star of david to the bar in order attract a jewish man.
there was a party in your bed and you weren't invited... change your sheets
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
For his 21st I'm getting a fancy hotel that way he can at least sleep in a nice bathtub
nah i think i'm gonna take my landlord's kids trick-or-treating instead. apparently the houses around here hand out wine to the adults and candy to the kids.
I don't know man, I have to ask my girlfriend if I can borrow my balls from her purse.
Playing nyquil pong with a cat again
Just had to kick my 26 yr old boyfriend out of my bed before getting the kids up for school. Have I mentioned being 41 doesn't suck as much as all the hype.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You're 31, how do you still outdrink all these college kids?
Practice, Irish genes, and a lack of desire to live past 40. But mostly practice.
Last year I got a dildo in the mail on my birthday. Today it was just a credit card bill. Sadface.
I just want to buy drugs without having to pay an arm and a leg for it. Is that a horrible thing to ask for?
I mean, it's not like you can exactly complain to the manager and higher ups about it.
Slammed 3 beers and just bowled a 129\nI guess alcohol IS the answer
Like, my vagina is jet-lagged.
Yeah well I fucked my ex on a sink last night soooo booty calls for us all
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