video games are the ultimate cock blocker
i love when people i haven't talked to since we fucked write on my wall.
it looked like a condom graveyard when i woke up. they were everywhere
He' s half Black and half Italian, I finally asked...this penis maybe one for the records.
no seriously. she's even got the premier of the real L word on her calendar at work. that lesbian.
then my gynecologist said "its like opening up buried treasure"
I put a toilet paper roll with my number on it by his face... hooking up is not happening
you know you're a senior when your friends are at the bar before you even get out of class
why the fuck would you go to class? it's karaoke wednesday.
Just rescued a super cute pair of Gucci heels off the sorority lawn on my way to work. Things are worth two paychecks. Fuck trust fund kids.
threw up in the kitchen showroom. home depot employee of the month.
The acoustics in my bra are fantastic.
I'm gonna go to bars and pick up women hopped up on democracy.
What's the place called?
I searched "county" on google, but....there's a lot of results
You must have my penis confused with someone else's...which is disappointing
I just bought a slurpee and condoms. God bless America.
Randomize
