I totally thought the tree was playing the guitar
I'm at a party watching some dude try to eat a whole package of Oreos in 5 minutes.
The only thing better than Call of Duty is getting jerked off while playing Call of Duty.
He def has a gf... But hes 7 feet tall and that superceeds any morality I may have.
We just had to use a designated driver to get to night class.
I think I reached optimum potential when I summersaulted straight into a kiddie pool.
No, earlier you attempted Jenga with everyones shoes.
I got the number from the girl at uhaul even after she saw me throw up all over the parking lot with a 6 pack in my hands.
I'm babysitting my fucking roommate he took out the screen and is trying to throw dishware in our fucking pool after he repelled off our balcony
I am nonfunctional stoned. I had to ask ben to put me somewhere away from all the people I'm sitting on someones bed watching a wall. Not alright. Should not have come.
I remember fighting the chubby dude and the bouncer put me in the full Nelson. Woke up this morning with a dislocated shoulder. We need to finish the rest of this beer though
At least now when I say "never again" the likelihood is that it won't actually happen again the next weekend...that my friend is called growth
He said I was really mad at him on Friday. Dude I fell asleep in all my clothes and shoes, with my flashlight on, on my phone... I could have been mad at the wall. It wasn't my classiest day.
Hella random but just hear me out...A bar that is a petting zoo. Bitches love petting zoos.
That awkward moment when you bring a guy back to your place then have to tell him you only have magnums.
Vocabulary what?!? Shakespeare is my bitch.
Randomize
