Question. If Kwik Trip and Kum and Go were to merge, what would they call it? Kwik Kum or Kum Kwik?
do you ever lay in the bath and watch the blood hit the water?
EWW. Don't discuss your period with me. You can go shave your back now.
i wish you could fill a pinata with booze
Thank you for holding my vodka while the police let me ride their horse.
New dating criteria: what kind of ex will this person be?
I even resorted to pole dancing with the street sign. I have an extra $20 now because I think people were paying me to leave.
I come up with the best drinking games while babysitting
The night started going down hill when she shot the cashier in the face with the confetti gun we bought at 711.
College students should never be allowed to have snow days. Never.
i just saw you make out with a girl with facial hair...just thought i would document that in case you forgot
Our house almost burnt down last night. I woke up at 4:10am to the smoke alarm going off bc the bean bag chair was on fire so i extinguished it and smoked a bowl at 4:20 to celebrate my fire extinguishing abilities
Also cheers for the reminder to check last night's texts. It's been a magical adventure through drunk me's thought process.
We were banging then all I remember is coming down hard and smashing my top teeth off his forehead. I just rolled off and tapped out. Done-zo
I'm going to stop at grocery on the way home. I'm CRAVING wine from a sippy cup. We have neither wine nor sippy cups.
You shouted “im bobby labonte!” In the process of shoutgunning a beer. He said you were too redneck for him...
Randomize
