we're drinking boxed wine and eating string cheese. It's like a wine tasting for poor people.
This chick just checked into her walk of shame on Foursquare... I think I'm in love.
she puked as i came inside her. that has to mean something.
She was puking in a plastic bag while cleaning where she puked on the floor. She knows how to multitask.
Holy fuck, spaghetti burritos are the best idea I've ever had.
Basically I learned last night that if you're too polite people will think it's okay to play with your nipples when really its not even a little okay
She was moaning so loud as i walked out of the room her roommates gave me a standing ovation... i think they are next
I confess. I just downed the bottle of saki. And I'm singing phantom of the opera to the dogs. Be glad you're not here for the high notes.
We started off talking about nice cuddling and you turned it into fucking with a Santa hat on...
You're the only person I know that could get laid while visiting their grandpa in florida
Go to the bar. Find a girl. Ask if she can cook. Tell her you have a guitar at home. Ask her if she wants to see it. Bring her home. Sleep with her. Tell her it's your birthday in the morning. Enjoy your made with lust breakfast.
Thought about it. I'm gonna go to work, but I'm gonna tell them I wrestled a bear saying I fell just isn't working.
I asked him to help me break in the space ship aka my bed.
I'm so upset I left my sombrero at the expo center
I hope no one at work can tell or smell that I have tequila in my hair and I haven't showered for days
Randomize
