i got us presents. or arrested. we shall see!
I just saw a pair of panties stretched over a fire hydrant on campus... I need to get the fuck out of this town
Dude someone is playing the piano in the other room while I shit and it's making it really peaceful
u know how some weekends you just wanna go out and ruin a relationship? this is one of those weekends
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You fell asleep with your fingers in my vagina. You made this a relationship.
The sex I just had was not worth missing a girls night out.
All of her cloths were on our coffee table this morning. The only things she left with last night were her shoes and Scott
How drunk is "too drunk" for candlelight service?
Dude, you can't even imagine the trip, I actually thought that there were Care Bears sitting next to me at the bar, I'm pretty sure I started hitting on the pink one.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I woke up at 4am on the floor covered in olive oil and fire extinguisher powder but all I wanted to know was where the rest of my booze was at.
We need to get fucked up again and play games like "save the tequila but dodge the knife"
He a gives rim jobs, because, of course a guy who opens doors and makes reservations would lick your anus..like a gentleman.
Text me later if you aren't dead and wanna have a drink later
Don't come back. They don't have pants.
Oh god.
God has nothing to do with this.
Third time this week I've caught co workers dry humping. Quarantine really changes people's priorities.
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