I found a pair of size 15 female undies on my floor?? is that big?
i just got arrested. apparently dont move means dont move.
Bt dubs, I still have cuts on my arm from when you attacked me with a dildo on Saturday night.
She was wasted. Kept yelling "what if I'm pregnant" and trying to push me into the tree. First and last time I bring a girl to my family christmas party.
Most fantastic sex ever until her Doberman took an interest in what we were doing. There was nothing more terrifying then feeling warm dog breath on my ballsack.
The only reason we got away with streaking last time was cuz we had those miner hats
want to meet me after class and possibly get arrested for indecent exposure?
I can't let him end my perfect streak. HE USED TO BE FAT
Our first kiss happened while shot gunning a hit from a gravity bong. Its that type of relationship.
fuck you and your stupid hot as hell face
NO BABIES. YOUR VAGINA WILL BLEED WITHIN A FORTNIGHT.
Completely unrelated and mildly related, a guy I hooked up with last year in a threeway died, his obit photo was his Grindr photo
Also your Swedish friend who's name I don't remember is really good in bed.
*Norwegian
Put the lady boner away. He's engaged. To my brother. No, life is not fair.
He ate me out in the warehouse on a pallet of sunlight soap. I fucking love night shift!
Randomize
