tonight is proof that a xbox 360 will always be more reliable than a girl ever will
and a girl gets the red ring of death every month
Just promise me we won't die tonight. I can't have an autopsy report that reads "stomach contents: Tequila and semen."
I love you. Thanks for all the blowjobs.
At front desk. Got a beer drinking pigeon.
I thought my period ended but I felt it again as soon as Pitbull started playing
I forgot how easy it is to have sex in public when you're wearing a dress. Thank you global warming.
I felt like in order for him to make it to mordor and destroy the ring, he'd have to make sweet sweet love to me in some form of hut or cave.
Doesn't matter how many times we tell him the kid's a freshman, he keeps repeating "cupcake boy shall be mine" and honestly you need to intervene
if i don't get grease into my system pronto i will undoubtedly die
just like fucking own it. stare that cop in the eye and just keep masturbating "yeah motherfucker Im high as shit and this feels great"
so like what it comes down to is do I wanna look like a boss ass bitch or do I wanna masturbate.
At first it will make you think "how is this physically possible?" and then it will ruin an entire food group for you.
It smells like grilled cheese and sexual frustration
There was puke outside of my classroom and lecture was half empty. Damn thirsty thursday is intense
I didn't know it was possible and I don't know if I'll ever be able to do it again on my own but he literally fuck me sideways.
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