Whats the name of the guy with his hand down my pants?
You kept making that girl eat peanuts, saying they were good for her baby..... I don't think she pregnant
I'm sorry I kept calling you a pussy... but to be fair, you were being a pussy.
he screamed PILLOW FIGHT and hit branden in the head with a pillow that had a fifth of vodka in it. then he asked why he wasnt laughing
I'm just going to text him the word sex repeatedly until he comes over.
Did it work?
Duh, it only took 27 texts and 15 minutes and he was at my front door.
LOOK AT MY HAIR, DOES THIS LOOK LIKE THE HAIR OF A PERSON WHO HAS HER LIFE TOGETHER?
Just told my mom I need money for Molly. She was not happy
You can't be friends with my side piece. Conflict of interest.
Despite popular belief cocaine is not a good pre-workout
I woke up with my shoes still on and my pants around my ankles cause I couldn't get them over my shoes
Oh dear God, they have a song about Mom...
I sleep better at night when I win things. I never really weep for others.
nothing like a long car ride to make you think of all the bad things you've done
This is either going to be a hilarious catfish or the fuck trophy of the century.
Now I know Sunday Funday means fucking till you loose your voice.
Randomize
