The bird has been looking kind of ugly lately...gotta look nice to fly with the hawk ya know?
He still wants to giggity, regardless of his girlfriend. So...I guess I'm happy again.
Just threw up in airport security. Happy holidays.
I'd like to be considered more than just his fuck buddy thanks. IVE BEEN RISKING PREGNANCY FOR SEVEN GODDAMN MONTHS I DESERVE THE TITLE OF GIRLFRIEND
She set fire to my carpet trying to power-dry puke covered cigs with Josh's blowtorch. How she found it in the garage is beyond me but if you bring her with you again I'll shoot you myself.
Oh Brad. Your poor brain, always being ignored for your penis and crazy women.
Can't a white girl just get drunk on a Sunday night and eat rice crispy treats. SHIT
You puked on the bar then proceeded to walk out. I told the bartender some girl walked up, puked and left and he gave me a free drink. Hope you got home safe.
He reached a whole new level of creepy. We were getting a coffee and he noticed the girl at Starbucks name tag looked her up on fb and friend requested her right there without ever introducing himself
I can only get day drunk because of my medicine now, so... There's that
If I die here, tell my vagina and my cats that I'm sorry.
That’s true love. If they recognize a chocolate mold of your anus.
Typically a man doesn't buy a woman a drink in hopes of her laughing at his penis, but no one said I was normal.
He stopped in the middle of us fucking so he could turn on lithuanian techno music. And the sad thing is that it was the best sex of my life.
she keeps trying to brush her hair with leaves and insisting she's not high
Randomize
