You would only drink if the space jam soundtrack was playing, you thought it was hilarious that before every shot you said "y'all ready for this".
It was ok at first, but now im getting freaked out by him jerking off to me doing yoga
Ok. Cause im very serious about this. I wanna strip and do coke for a month
Her divorce is going to cut into the amount of time we spend fucking.
I'm in awe of how selfish that is.
I'm doing this for my boobs. They miss him.
It's one of the many facets of my drunken alter egos. I'm like substance abuse batman.
Me either. I want to get 'chase a stray cat through the neighborhood in my hooker heels' drunk. And it's your birthday, so you have to get 'best friend holding your hair while you puke in the bar bathroom and cry about your life' drunk. In a feather boa.
We're looking for the removeable roof from her Miata. Winner gets a 40.
Yeah I was convinced everyone knew I was high. Time was passing way too slowly for anyone NOT to notice.
Pretty sure I just became my mom's wingman
You're doing a terrible job of letting me hook up with girls vicariously through you.
if i don't get grease into my system pronto i will undoubtedly die
He went down on me to the national anthem being sung by Jordan sparks. It was very patriotic of him
went out to hit golf balls, ended up doing splits at the bar. you're a bad influence.
My roommate made maccoroni last nigh dropped the bowl off the counter knocking it into the dog bowl he picked up the dog bowl and started eating it claiming it was te worst Mac and cheese ever and if he wasnt so high he would stop eating it hahahaha
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