Well if yoir are still awake and secided to drink... You may aswell drink
That text needs to switch to water.
She is my favorite of all the girls you have fucked. Other than me.
fuck. did you have to draw it on me with a permanent marker
How was I supposed to know she would get offended when I asked her how long it took to draw on her eyebrows.
You know you have a great job when you need a DD home from work at 6pm.
just saw way to many penises for it being 5 o'clock on a thursday
The guy that just projectile vomited over the balcony is now going down to find the pill he just puked up. He said he wasn't about to waste $15.
If it's any consolation, your boobs looked awesome.
Reading my bank statement stoned makes me feel like an adult.
He lasted about 30 seconds then said you can't win them all. But then he made me pancakes so it's okay. We shall call him mancakes.
you were making out with a guy that looked like Fat Albert, I kicked you in the vagina but you didn't stop
This is the second time you've stolen a pet when you're drunk, given it back and cashed in on a reward...I think you have a problem
Gotta pay my student loans some way
Thank you, my gorgeous heroine, for being such a total life-saver by giving me rides, forcing me to eat, providing porous absorbant surfaces to bleed on, and everything else you do <3
You know you're more responsible when you turn down your bed and make a clear path to it before you go out..
I wanna print it out and hang it on the fridge like parents do with good report cards.
oh the joys of a picture of a negative pregnancy test
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