Dude, way to rack up $80 in pornos in the hotel room last night, and not tell me before I got blindsided at check out.
Heh. Guess I ordered some porno last night. Heh.
i just spit dirty mouth water on my dentist. and apparently grinning sheepishly and saying "my b" doesn't make it better
We did face masks and fucked...he really isn't gay, what they say about europeans is just true
The more I look at him the more I wonder why anyone would ever want any of his features to be a part of their childs face.
my dealer just handed me my weed in a pink easter egg
I was having trouble getting it up so she grabbed it and said "no, it's too big to fail"
I just made a cocktail. Had one shot of vodka left. It looked lonely so I decided to reunite it with its vodka friends in my bloodstream.
Starting the day at 1:44 in the afternoon. With a hot pocket and a mixer. Who knew my life had this kind of possibility.
Might be time to reevaluate my life. Banned from red roofs inns. Apparently I puked in ice machine. 3 hotels in a year.
How drunk do you guys plan on getting?
We wrote our addresses on our arms for the cab driver, what do you think?
I think I accidentally agreed to be someone's surrogate
okay, but you can't tell anyone. Every time he instagrams something with the caption "avocado," it means he's booty calling me. Happy?
You got me 4 pizzas and i just saw this. I'm too drunk for this shit. I just yelled "4 pizzas holy shit!" At the pizza dude
Shout out to my liver for being the true MVP. It easily put in more work than LeBron or Curry this week.
New drinking game, drink every time Rhianna says "Work" in her new song.
My lash glue is stronger than my sense of self respect
Randomize
