The guy I fucked last night is well worth up the ass tuition. I just wish I could tell dad thanks!
You insisted on drinking champagne out of the dog bowl
Just remember that she is a giant dick-sucking forehead and you are better than that.
The interviewer had a hook for his right hand I TRIED TO SHAKE HIS HOOK WHAT IS WRONG WITH ME
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just did a line with lance bass. Only in NY
The good news is that I can 100% reassure you that you did not get knocked up by some creepy Italian dude named Sal Manella last night.
The bad news is that you will never know the name of the guy who may have gotten you pregnant last night because he clearly gave you a fake name, sweetie.
I've made a list of places I want to have sex this summer. #1: Reptile House at the zoo.
Then he shook the next streetlight but this one broke and fell over. He told me, "This is the part where we run."
Only the sound of Friends and my gulping of wine are masking the sounds of my roommate getting laid
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Do not try to steal a picnic table from a park, all you will end up with are sore arms and broken dreams.
I'm going to need a penis the size of a bat
I promised her I would shit on your driveway. There's nothing that you or I can do about it now.
Yo did you say we are blacking out saturday night and playing dodgeball?
Yeah for relay for life. Its for cancer
He lasted less than 30 sec. in bed and then sent me a friend request on LinkedIn. Wtf.
Also you think METH is on the same level of wanting to see the movie cats? We’re gonna unpack that later
Randomize