The best feeling....farting and having the bubble hit your balls
You did not just play the dead husband card again.
So I'm probably the first guy in history to tap out of a blowjob.
Meet me at the corner of "what the fuck" and"how'd you get in my bed" in 10 minutes.
I dont know, but the way you were flopping around and gurgling made me scared that you were actually drowning in the carpet.
Nothing will ever prepare you for the moment when you are sitting on your friends bathroom floor with no pants on eating string cheese & pita at 2am.
I bought everclear. Bring your party pants and some addies
You're not gonna punch me in the face again are you?
he tried to give me his business card but gave me his health insurance card then realized it and offered to take me to the strip club
We couldve played the bring a random boy to lunch game but i made him go home
I've had more lap dances than hrs of sleep since Thursday, this is why you're planning all three of my bachelor parties
Family trip though. I generally don't wheel too much ass with the fam in tow. Despite the fact my parents would be pleased if I did.
I'm tired, but I'm gonna go with "I watched the debate last night and part of my soul died"
Theres about 23 grilled cheese sandwiches stuck to my ceiling and tomato soup all over the kitchen. You are never allowed over again. Ever.
He fucked me while I was smoking his blunt. His apartment was trashed and he drives a van that looks like it’s been hit by a train but still 10/10 would fuck again.
I'm at the fucking ritz Carlton and I would leave here to cuddle with her. Not even fuck, just cuddle. What th hell is wrong with me?
I think it's called love, bro
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