She told me she got a 15 on her A.C.T.. that's when I knew it was a done deal.
after you took your Demerol you started flying around and talking like the robot ship on the movie Stealth. then you licked my iPhone and declared the mission a success.
There's a lady carrying her kids toy animals in a crown royal bag. Mom of the year.
thanks for brining me home and putting me in my bed. the pillow fort your built around me is also appreciated.
we're doing beer bongs from the windmill...epic
Well at least he stopped keeping track of money by bottles of McCormick.
Its against the rules to not make you aware of his virgin situation prior to penetration
i feel this will be the best possible way to start a friendship. By breaking into his house.
Remember when I got my car stuck in my backyard?
Hindsight: Dressing up in nothing but a bra, booty shorts, and police tape made for the most awkward walk of shame of my life.
Then you bent down and whispered, "excuse me mr. Stair, could you please stop moving?"
She seriously left me for a guy that likes his own statuses on facebook.....
Like you can't just be like oh bb and THEN SEND ME A FUCKING PICTURE OF MY 8TH GRADE FAT SELF IN A TACO COSTUME
A girl showed up in my tinder and I have it set to only men... I super liked her because I need a lesbian experience
Just learned a very valuable life lesson. Never motorboat a cat when they have claws.
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