Puking blue powerade in mcdonalds parking lot to the applause of the guy taking out the trash with man in the mirror blasting in the background. Good morning stl
So I have exactly 420 dollars saved up in tips from the past week. I win, and I take that as a sign from god that I am allowed to use that money to buy drugs.
You owe me $8 for the carwash I needed after you threw the salmon on my windshield.
Well I squeegeed the puke off your arm at the gas station
Actually, considering the facts that I am wearing a duct tape dress and eating a gas station quesadilla, I am pretty good.
... Already stepped in vomit and got a dirty look from a fat in a neck brace
How was the rest of your night?
A little fuzzy and a lot naked.
You were carrying around a milk crate, randomly putting it down calling out 'praise be to the milk gods' and making people pray to it.
after the shots you kept on yelling "this is for the dreamers"
lesson learned.. dressing up like a naughty teacher doesn't mean you can get away with spanking a cop with a ruler for being "fresh" with you
Whiskey and tits go great with anything. Especially fire.
sending my old camp counselor nudes. childhood memory win or new low?
Uh oh. Put down the vodka cancel the clowns and get rid of the donkey
Last night i walked into a gas station to get condoms. I threw them on the counter and the guy gave me a funny look because i was wearing a bra under an open cardigan and no shoes. I screamed "DONT JUDGE ME!" and he gave them to me for free.
Call me a snob but I'm not banging chicks with more fingers than teeth.
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